So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
