I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
you inspire me to be a worse person
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
