We need to start having sex underwater more often.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
