ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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