She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
