My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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