I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
