Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
