Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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