I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
