you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
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I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
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Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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