i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
How naked do you want me to be?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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