Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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