what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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