I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
