My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
