I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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