I must be too annoying 4 u.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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