So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
