Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
