I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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