I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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