"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
