You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
