Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
