Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He had one of those small greek statue penises
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
