do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
