Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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