I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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