According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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