I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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