the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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