yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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