If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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