So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
