I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
