Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
