anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
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