You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
