I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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