OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
