saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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