i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
