do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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