sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
