After last night, I could never be a politician.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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