OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
