dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Houston, we have a squirter
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Randomize
