i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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