don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
