she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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