Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
