Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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