I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
