i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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