If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
