I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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