How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
In America we eat man semen.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
