Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
