at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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