moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
