he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
