Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You pole danced in your parka.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
