i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
