Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
