He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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