apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
