you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
