I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
