i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
