allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
