u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
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We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
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please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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