Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
