we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
