Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
