i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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