Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
