At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
